the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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