I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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