So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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