I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
