You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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