is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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