it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
