I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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