Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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