He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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