i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I need water and some morals
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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