yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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