I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
