Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Text me some of your sweat
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
