Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
