I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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