just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
