this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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