The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
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I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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