shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
