In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
