I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
