This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
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Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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