sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
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Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
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I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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