Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
