we're blogging at a bar
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
