It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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