I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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