Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
