Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
