Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
