My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize