Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
