tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
