he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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