My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
