Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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