Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
