If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Your dad touched me again.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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