I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
