i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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