there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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