what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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