I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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