K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
