Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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