Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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