Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
