Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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