I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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