I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
