I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
