i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
