that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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