I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize