Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
