i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
