After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
