I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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