I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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