if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
