i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
