its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
