reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
