If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize