You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????