So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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