you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week