theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
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i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
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how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.