Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.