I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.