I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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