She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i think i just lost a toe
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