Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
