Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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