We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
