Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
