Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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