Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
