I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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