yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
