i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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