They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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