yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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