you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
