OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just had sex on a roof
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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