Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
